I am engaged to a mattress

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I’M ENGAGED TO A MATTRESS

I’m tired of it. Do you hear me? Tired of it! While this statement might not mean much coming from a night shift worker because, and I’m sure nurses all around the world can relate, WE’RE TIRED OF EVERYTHING. But what in particular am I so frustrated about? Day shift workers complaining about being tired! In other words, I’m tired of other people being tired!

No, to all you wanna-be scientist out there, you can not compensate the gruel of a night shift simply by sleeping throughout the day. Am I nocturnal? Am I a freaking bat? I think not! Although after my night shifts, I may resemble a raccoon, but that is BESIDES the point. The actual point is that human’s hormonal system is regulated by the time of day. Meaning, if my eyes even so much as glimpse the night, my melatonin goes through the roof. Think of it like this: picture my melatonin, the hormone that regulates sleep, as a young boy going through puberty. Now, picture the night as Emma Watson. Or Emma Stone. Or any other Emma that is hot to the adolescent mind, I’m too tired to care!

 Do you get it now? My melatonin is a horny teenage boy who just wants to get to bed ASAP to pleasure themselves, so yes, when a nurse or any other medical correspondent who works night shifts says sleep is as good as sex: 

THEY LITERALLY MEAN SLEEP IS AS GOOD AS SEX.

 

Good-freaking-night.

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